I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
