i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
