I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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