It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize