every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
