Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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