I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
