A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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