I want to have your abortion
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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