hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
