And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
