There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
