my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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