I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
