I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
