Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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