More tranny stories later!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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