That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bring me that man meat
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
