We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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