she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
