my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Vodka?
Forever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
