Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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