moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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