and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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