I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
