Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
A bitchslap is in order.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
