I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
