too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
