i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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