So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
