Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
