Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just pee around me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
