ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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