He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
