I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
