So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
