you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We don't watch enough power rangers
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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