I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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