i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
