How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
