I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
