Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
