wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
