could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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