Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
