just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
