dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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