Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
