Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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