I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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