he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
