You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
