just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize