Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
