But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is Oprah even human
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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