so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
