brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
