if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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