She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need to calm my uterus...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
