if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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