Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
