I wish I could teleport
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
