Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
