what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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