he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
