I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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