Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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