Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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