All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
