At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
