did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
