I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
