turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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