I am in a vortex of obligation.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
