if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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