I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This is not my ceiling
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i out mim tonsoeep
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
