I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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