Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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