i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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