I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize