I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
