dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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