I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
