I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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