I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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