Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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