I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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