Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize