I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
