I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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