Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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